There was once a time in my life where I didn’t connect with my South Asian heritage. Growing up in New Jersey in the 1980s as a South Asian kid was not easy. First off, I didn’t look like everyone else in the neighborhood. And sometimes I didn’t dress like them when we had to wear traditional clothing. As a kid, feeling different in that way is overwhelming and isolating. My parents, as immigrants, also didn’t subscribe to all of the cultural norms of the American culture at that time. That meant I wasn’t always enrolled in the same activities as my peers or being given the same freedoms as my friends. I also remember reading newspaper articles about the rise of racism against Indians in NJ at that time, and it terrified me. I wanted my parents to disconnect from the culture, so they wouldn’t be targeted. And I wanted nothing to do with it myself, for my own developmental reasons.
I’ve come a long way since then. Being South Asian is so central to who I am that I wouldn’t even begin to know how to separate that from my identity. So, it will come as no surprise that some of my most meaningful therapy work comes when I have the opportunity to work with South Asian clients.
When I started my career, there weren’t any other South Asian therapists that I knew of. Now, it’s beautiful to see so many South Asian therapists in NJ. To know that there is full representation in the mental health field, so my community doesn’t have to feel alone in their mental health struggles as they try to break through intergenerational cycles. Simply being a visible South Asian therapist is, in itself, an act of representation, resistance, and growth. It’s also allowed me to find peers who do the same work and not feel alone in the struggles that come along with being a therapist these days.
There is a sense of comfort in having a South Asian client sit across from me in my office. While there is always space for understanding the individual impact of cultural norms, principles and traditions on my client’s life, more times than not, I have often experienced the same impact of those traditions. Because of that, some things don’t even need to be spoken. There is a silent understanding of how hard it can be to live as a South Asian in a Western world. We have probably both dealt with conflicting standards of living, in the sense that the South Asian culture promotes collectivism while the Western world uplifts individualism. We have both probably faced the reality of South Asian pressures around achievement and self-worth. There may even be a common thread around the racist experiences we have had throughout our lives. There is deep healing that can occur when clients see themselves reflected in their therapist And, it brings me a sense of peace when a client can talk about their South Asian life without having to explain certain ideologies, terms, and so forth. We just get to talk. And, I have the honor of helping them heal.